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Know your own mind

Sex isn't just exciting and fun, it's important. It plays a big role in cementing our relationships. So whether you're starting out with someone new or you've been together a while, having a think about what you want for yourself is a good first step to finding the words that you'll need.

Think what you want

Some questions you could think about:

  • Is our relationship ready for sex?
  • What kind of sex do I want?
  • What turns me on?
  • What turns me off?
  • What kind of sex don't I want? What are my boundaries?
  • What are we going to use for protection?
  • If you're unsatisfied or bored, what don't you like?
  • What was my most intimate experience and why? 
  • How did I feel about the person I had that intimate experience with?
  • How do I like to be touched?
  • What feels good to me?
  • What gets me in the frame of mind for sex?

Thinking can make things clearer

Blurting out your first thoughts can sound clumsy or overly negative. Giving yourself time to think will help you work out what you want, and give you confidence you know what you want to say.

You could give the other person a chance to think too. Let them know roughly what you'd like to talk about and try to find a time when you can both talk without being interrupted, maybe a long car journey or a walk in the country?

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